"S" for Summertime and the living is easy...

I had the

most relaxing, rejuvenating, wonderful vacations in a long time.

At the Westcoast.

We stayed in a small guest house with all the luxury and amenities I have at home because I do not wish to downgrade my standard of living when I am on a holiday.

Never thought it charming using an utedass...........

We had a functioning bathroom and a kitchen to cook the meals I had meticulously planned and prepared to please my friends that so graciously agreed to share 2 weeks with me.

We cooked, ate and drank, swam in the tiny little pond near by, talked and talked and talked, discussing anything and everything from the vital statistics of Sophia Loren to how serious one should take the oncoming svineinfluenza which is handled remarkably amateurish (provided it is as dangerous as they suggest)by the Swedish authorities.

We discussed and solved the financial crisis which apparently rocks the planet and wondered, late into the evenings, why nobody listens to us.

I could not help but feel somehow priviledged reclining on a solstol there, tummy full with delicous food, on a lazy, hazy summernight.

When returning home I discovered to my utter delight that I did in fact unknowingly had packed a souvenir from this trip.

A green, no-idea-what-kind-of-worm/larve it is.

And it has a FACE!!!!

Maybe it/he/she can talk!!??

I decided not to fry and eat it up, but rather teach it/her/him to learn the human language (English possibly) and thus have somebody to converse with...INTELLIGENTLY , I hope.

However if it turns out to be a butterfly I may pin it on my message board for everybody in my office to see what happens if one trys to fly away.

In the land of Jantelagen this is NO option.

You run fast------------or your wings may be broken!

"B" for bÓÓbs

The weather is simply too nice to sit in front of my PC and write about s.th. that potentially does not exist, only as a "Hole", or more precise "Summer Hole", derived from the German "Sommerloch".
"Summer Hole" is a recurring phenomena, essentially in summer. It affects the newspapers only, unlike the expected influensavåg that is expected to hit the whole of Sweden in autumn and thus has inspired the government to conduct a mass-vaccination, unprecedented in Swedish history. That subject I will surely comment on later.

Summer Hole simply means that nothing much is happening, so the newspapers/so called journalists invent stuff, create problems to write about, anything, from The Monster of Loch Ness to the oh so relevant question Wether Or Not Toplessness Bathing Should Be Permitted When Swimming In Rosenlundsbadet.
Of course, just in case anybody has missed it: this goes much deeeeeper, as I said, it is a "Hole"-no pun intended.
The Swedes favourite topic: Jävla Jämställdhet.

If they, the boys, can do it standing up - we can, too, show our breasts, wether they are perky , surrendering to the law of gravity, crinkeld, smooth, sexy, as long as they are bare, just like the boys show theirs.

Swedes are so unisexed that they obviously do not see any more much of a difference between men and women.....which does NOT make them the happier people!!

Really, sick, sick, sick people.

Have they no other serious cause to fight for?

As if this is of ANY imortance whatsoever..........I am already getting bored. But would like to share a website that is quite a scream: http://www.tera.ca/index.html

I guess they are serious.

So am I.

The sun is too tempting. Have to go now. Off to the Beach of Vättern, Boobs covered up, Bananas, Beer, Book ("How not to dislike the people around you") in the Basket, Sun Balm for my delicate skin ...............all in a sudden I notice that the letter B for BooBs is looking like bÓÓbs!!!

Interesting coincidence............

"LM" for Lex Maria

How shocking can it get?

According to estimates from Socialstyrelsen a whopping 3000 patients DIE EVERY YEAR!!!

.......... not because of some mysterious cow-/bird-/pig-or whatever imported pandemic epidemic.
But largely because of negligence, ignorance, sheer callousness, malpractise and shitty hygiene.

And topped by stupidity, ignorance and inadequate training and education.

Whatever, in a country of only a few million and one that wrongly enjoys the reputation of being "clean"----------- this is simply tragic.

And 3000 is most probably only the tip of the dirtberg.

3000 are the dead ones.

Along with this come 100 000 and more that survive these onslaughts, often damaged for live, in all probability without any financial compensation left to fend largely for themselves.

Since accountability is not exactly a local sport, doctors and nursing staff, if they have done wrong, are rarely made financially accountable as is practised in civilized countries elsewhere.

In any case: only 1% of these malpractises were apparently reported in accordance with the "Lex Maria".
That is another breath taking number.

How Göran Hägglund, honourable Minister for Health and Social Affairs, intends to change this, ....jag vet inte.

However, he has already realized that this situation is a fiasco.

That, one should hope, is the first step.

That, we know, is most probably where it will all stay and be as harmful and injurious to health like a nonsterile needle and dirty hands.

"SM", no SadoMaso....just:Swedish Midsummer

SHUTKI MATCH+ALU

Letter from an Indian friend:
Dear M.,
I am sending 3 separate parcels...............

The first with CD's:
"Bunty and Bubli", the Big B., your old time favourite and his son....
"Dil chata Hai" with Amir Khan and others.....extremely enjoyable.
"Patner" with my favourite hero Govinda.......
"Lago Raho Munna Bhai" , I love this movie very much. Sanjay Dutt is a hunk but this friend called Circut is the best.
"Bhagam Bhag", Govinda is great
"Dilwale Dulhania le Jayange" with Sharuk Khan and Kajool. This movie is a few years old but a super super hit.
"Dhoom 2", handsome Rhitik Roshan, Aishwariya Rai, an absolute action packed movie.
"Jab we met", Karena Kapoor and Shahid Kapoor. Absolute super super hit of last year. I enjoy this movie every time I see it.
"Cheemi Kum", this is especially for you, M.! An absolutely Great Big B. movie. So handsome and so smart!

All the movies have lovely songs and most of them are superhits. When you see them do let me know how you liked them.
Packet 2 has Chanachur, Papaar and balchao (dried prawn pickle)
Paket 3 will only have Shutki match.

Please, do let me know as soon as you receive them.
Love,
B.


My answer to this letter:

Dear B.,
These 3 parcels will fully cover the cultural/intellectual and culinary challenges and expectations I have from a summer vacation in Sweden!!
You should be getting a Special Discount--particularly if you are planning to do this on a regular basis. ;-)
The movies will last me for a while...however the Shutki match will be devoured in a jiffy and should be replaced in order to avoid craving-cramps!!
Maybe it could be labelled as "Health-Food"???......at least "Food for the Soul"!!
So possibly if there is a Bangal at the sending-counter you could hackle and fish for a huge discount.
Think it over.

At the moment we do have the most possible miserable weather. Heavy rains, thunderstorms, coldish....Yesterday was Midsummer, the Swedes very own Holy Cow. It is the biggest festival here in Sweden.
They put flowers in their hair and dance like frogs around phallic symbols, (incidentally the whole country is shaped like one, probabbly referring to Odin's Lingam??), sloshed (which is no excuse) and it is also the weekend with the highest rate of deadly accidents, either by drowning in one of the thousands lakes when they try to pee into the water or by crashing into each other on the roads when trying to overtake.

I found this video on youtube and it is a rather realistic display of the scenery we have here on these auspicious days of midsommar. Obviously it was banned here (made in Germany, I think) as humor is not one of the Swedish virtues...or: who likes to see what others see in you??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I5BGsK5ZAU

You will agree with me that living here in this barbaric land of the Vikings an occasional dose of Shutki match is desperately needed and essential for keeping body and mind in functional condition. Surely the expression "Comfort Food" has never been more appropiately applied.

That is all for today.....I shall retreat to my sundeck with a cup of masala chai and look into the grey summer sky.......hoping for sunnier days to come.
Love to you all,
M.

"U" for uniform

Just a thought.......why don't they have school-uniforms in Sweden??
The fanatic, obsessed, desperate attempts to have all, everything and everybody jämställt................that should be the most logical consequence.
Anyway, am I trying to understand? No just thinking loud on a Monday morning, wet and cold and foggy ouside.

"M" for matsäck, mumms, moms, not moms!!, mums....

It does not happen too often, but at times I am running completely out of words and am absolutely speechless for the vastness of stupidity that hits me.

It is taking my breath away.

I feel like crawling under my blanket or hide under the table till it is over!

No, no, I am not in Gaza and under fire-attack. WHO the hell cares about that??

MATSÄCK, to have or not to have. That is the question.

I am overwhelmed by the Magnitude of the importance of this problem, the impact this has on our society, the future and happiness and wellbeing of our children. The very thought that children till now have been subjected to the dreadful experience of having to take a matsäck that was not as yummi, delicious, well-composed than that of another one........ It breaks my heart. At this tender age to have to undergo such a frustrating experince.........

I do sincerely hope and pray that the decision will be made as it is tendency here: nothing and nobody should excel anybody or in anything.

We shall all be merely as good as the worst.

Rather "Lagom är bäst"........but have a clear conscience that we managed to stay within the boundries of mediocrity.

That is the local standard. And hell, we will stick to it.

For the next days, reliable as usual, Jönköpings Posten will keep us informed about the development. Let us hope that no expenses and public resources are spared to settle this question once and for all.

Think of the sigh of relief parents will heave if they do not have to bother about this any more. Agreed, it happens max. 2-3 times a year, but then this is also a question of principle, isn't it?!

And apparently, there does not seem to be much other to REALLY bother about in our small little pink world.

"G" for Gravljusen which slocknade efter halva helgen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gaza strip is burning, the rest world reeling under a financial crisis.............the list of miseries is sheer endless.

But who cares?!

The center of real life drama and desaster is right here, in Jönköping, MonAmour.

The world may have turned its back on us, probably cares a shit.

So we have to tackle this all by ourselves. But like Phönix we will arise from the ashes!! Feathers burnt, somewhat disshevelled, but not dead yet.

So here is the story:

How did we all feel when reading FRONT-PAGE-NEWS in JP on 7th Jan.? A day forever burnt into my memory. The real-life story of the unfortunate woman who did buy gravljus from EKO stormarknad (shame on them!!) and the lights went off after barely a day and a half. That is much before they should !!

And more details on page 4.

No wonder Swedes run into the wall, are depressed, take to alcohol, their nights ruled by mardrömmer.

Taking in these stories along with your breakfast must either lead to constipation or loose motions. Not to mention that it sets your mind in a frame that nearly makes you incapable of hantering life normally. How can one possibly function efficiantly if desaster seems to lurk around just any corner??

It does not even seem to protect us from evil that we do live in the only city (to my knowledge) that drags the appendix "Jerusalem" along. I thought and did hope that it was a blessing but now I am troubled by doubts.

Nevertheless, let us light a candle and take a minute of silencio!

"J" for Jul

Jul igen!

Once a year I indulge in these admittedly adventurous thoughts that not all is lost.

And it has to do with Christmas.

Praise the Lord!!

All over the town one can have a good look at what (apparently!) Swedish Amazons (okay, they have the square look but not a true amazon's spirit) wear UNDER their un-feminine, un-pleasant, un-attractive, un-iform, un-isex (without -y!!), un-flattering clothes, aesthetically offensive, generally bird-bajs coloured, or in shades of depressive green, blue grey, vomit yellow, blodpudding red etc.

Yes, yes: frivolous, titillatingly-lacey, yes, yes, S E X Y looking bras and panties, with tiny little cute dingling dangling, bling-blingy little somethings, nothings hanging, useless but cute little ribbons, lovingly twisted into little hearts or flowers.........bright juicy, hot red, seriously sexy velvety lace ..........

There are just too many displayed in the various shops to fit only on cute, firm, shapely bodies in the age group 13-26....so imagining those frivolous items of plaisir being wrapped around julskinka shaped buttocks and aging breasts that have finally surrendered to the law of Jante and Gravity!!

Let me indulge in these visuals for a moment.

What does this tell us, what message do I get??

All the BlahBlah about jämställhet is OUTWARDLY, a phonetic phenomena so to say. So it seems.

Tack vare Gud!

The superimposed maskulinity, the price wo-men here apparently are happily willing to pay for what they believe is equality, .....scratch the surface and they would m a y b e like to be what they should love to be: Objects of desire, Divas in bed.

Maybe it is too early to give up hope.

However, along with the masculinisation of wo-men goes along a tragic, but unavoidable femininisation of men. They had no choice.

Poor fellows.

It was pure survival instinct.

Reversable??

No idea, but one can always move to another country where the laws of nature still are in place.

In this spirit:

God Jul!

.....and enjoy.... ;-)

"S" for surprise-surprise: Sex & Sweden

It is official. Official it is.

Another suspicion of mine verified: Swedes are maybe the first to have given "Blue Movies" a face.............however in my opinion they have a strrrrange relationship with SEX.

It is so much all over the place, right from kindergarten onwards, there is no tabu whatsoever, it is autopsized, slaughtered and carved up in detail, teenies know "all" about hormones, PMS, könsorgan and their various functions. No surprises left, all charme gone.

But to come to the point (no pun intended, Mr Gräfenberg) : A survey, recently published in the New Scientist Magazine has come to the not too surprising result that the Swedes are NOWHERE on the list of "Who is the most active people when it comes to sex".

And WHY????

Simple: they have no fucking time to indulge in the fine art of love-making.

Both sexes (yes, there are still men and wo-men around) are so tied up with work and work and work and being jämställd and work and jämställhet that by the end of the day, when they actually could meet and mate, they are so worn out that it is nada, niente, nix, nichts, nothing.

I am also convinced that Sweden is the first country in the world that will ACTUALLY be unisexed, in the true sense of the word, LITERALLY, that is they will have a uniform one-gender-race, where the height of achievement will be wo-men with penis and men with breasts and a kind of uterine appendix.

So they would be capable of inseminating themselves and leave out these time consuming questions as to who stays at home and does the nursing of a new-born, who will be pappa-ledig and/or mamma-ledig. They could be two-in-one. How fucking convenient is that?!!

A big sigh of relief when that level of evolution is reached. And all points out to this wonderful part of the world. We (I however distance myself from the "we" )will be the first!

"J" for Jävla, Jönköping, jajamensan, Jantelagen

Trying to get popular with Swedes?? Sorry, that battle starts ulta pulta: first you surrender and then you battle.

And surrender you do to JANTELAGEN, the unwritten social code of behaviour on Swedish territory. It is so imminent that I fail to understand WHY a written script of these 10 Rules is not handed over whilst entering Swedish territory....at least if you come to stay, that is as an immigrant or refuges.

There are not many other reasons why intelligent humans would choose to settle in this dark, cold, barbaric place, the navel of which is Jönköping, MonAmour.

"D" for delusional and decadence

K U L T U R - kul tur - fun trip

Amor's pil.................................................................
..........................................................................................kiss my ass!!


I had to take a break!!
Kind of going into an inner exile. Probably because of these monstrous mörk winter days my spirit is a bit dämpened or dumpad. Whatever.
I do not want the Jönköping-Bacillus to infest and invade me&myself too much. So staying aloof and quiet till "it" is over works for me.

A good start of the day is a cup of hot, sweet, milky tea........and the perusal of Jönköpings Posten. There I get it all.
ALL the relevant information that hauls me through the day and confirms that NOT ALL IS LOST!! By no means.
Todays important news: "Ny konsthall planeras"!! Big, BIG words!! "Jönköpings Louisiana"!!! Louisiana (the original one) move over!! Here comes Jönköping, hotspot for culture !! Do I hear giggling in the backseats??
Together with the venture of a new SMOT-house this strikes me as yet another freak and proof that delusions of grandeur and megalomania are symptomatic for a people in decay. Look at the Roman Empire! ;-)
NO culture in their blood, but an ardent love for smörgåstårta and hotdogs, or does anyone really believe that by building and constructing temples of the art love for culture will suddenly rush through their veins???
"Som en Amor-pil" (quote: Sergei Muchin, ny på posten som museichef, so he is still learning his lessons)....Amor's pil or the sword of Damokles??
Guess I just have to hang on long enough to pick up the shattered pieces.

Filthy habits

Thank god, it's Lördag. Godis-time. Lördags-godis.

Another interesting peculiarity in Sweden.

And it is official now. We can all feel safe!! Godis may be harmful to your teeth, however to pick them up from these open plastic-containers is NOT messing around with your health in general - according to Kammarrätten.

It was declared the other day that it is considered SAFE to eat these open candies even though we blast our (bad) breath on them, sticky and sugary candies, an ideal base for bacteria to grow (the word derives from the Greek, meaning "small things") and probably they consider it to be a negligable risk that dirty fingers may take a handful directly without using the laddle.....

Okay, godis is one thing.

What I often watch and I think it is really yacks, yacky, icky are these bread and bun boxes one can find in almost any of the supermarkets. There are folks who grab a few, squeeze them, to see which one is nice fresh and crunchy, and then finally decide which one they pack up. I cannot help but thinking what they did with their hand before. Touching the handle of a toilet, poking their nose, tying their shoes, patting their dog, cat, horse, rat, shaking somebody elses hand, handling (dirty) money.....

Right, I make my own bread and should not really bother.

"S" for Shoes

There is a custom here in Sweden that strikes me as rather pleasant if you are overkänslig with dirt. I am talking about the dirt under your shoes .
So from the house-wifely point of view you it is actually convenient to take off your boots/shoes/sandals and hopp around barefeet or socky.
However, if you think of the efforts some people may make to match their footwear with the rest of their outfit (and I am one of those ) it is pretty annoying to slope around on some dusty floor, possibly with cat's hair, food crumps etc. sticking under your feet. Of course, one can always take a "clean" pair of shoes along and switch over to those for the time being...........
And then I wonder, why it seems to be another local habit of the under 35 years generation to sit in the bus and wipe off their filthy sneakers on the opposite seat and kind of feel really cool in doing so. If I dare to comment on this they give me either a dumb, blank stare, kind of "I fuck donnow what the fuck is your problem" or the more outspoken ones say right away "Håll käften" and feel probably heroic.
Well, there are many ways to prove a point.

"JP" for JönköpingsPosten

I have to be honest: there was in fact at least one thing that has quite dramatically changed from often pretty bad to nearly non-existant after I moved to Sweden about 4000 days ago.
Yes, if people ask me how long I am here I usually answer in "so many days and nights". Gives the whole experience a totally different dimension. Kind of with a not-so-sweet taste....
But, as I said earlier: one ailment of mine has been cured: low-low blood pressure.
No, not by dipping in and/or drinking the water of Lake Vättern...
..........but by consuming the local newspaper, Jönköping's very own JönköpingsPosten.
My day gets a REAL kick-start simply by browsing through this journal quotidien. Reading it is such a turn-on, that my inherited low blood pressure has disappeared and is replaced by a strong healthy blood rush that prepares me adequately for the battles that await me throughout the day.
And I am rarely disappointed.
There is a amazing variety of news that strike you alternatively as hilarious, unbelievably stupid, totally unbelievable or if nothing else, typically Swedish (which is NOT a compliment).

On this Blog-platform I intend to write about all that strikes me as odd in the sense, that ONLY if you are born on the other side of the fence (another Swedish peculiarity, these fences!) you probably understand what the hell I am talking about.
So: pazienza, something will soon come up.

Myhna

I would like to explain the photo showing the Common Myhna, Acridotheres tristis.
It is a member of the starling family and also known as the Indian Myhna or Talking Myhna for its ability to mimic human speech.
My nickname is Myhna, for no special reason. Though I can whistle!
And yes, myhnas mate for life.

Went for my daily exercise program.
Feel refreshed and rejuvenated.
Am ready for my second shift.
However before I am on the road again I must quickly add WHAT this blog is to me: my rubber-walled cell, my punching-bag, my crisis-center, my soundless (apart from the klick-klack of the keyboard) scream, the pipe through which I can blast out my frustration over this remarkably stupid, enervating, frustrating, soul-less, boring place, where inefficiency, arrogance, incompetence, etc are standard.
to be continued.............

The start of my very own Blog.
I was somewhat hesitant to have one at all.
Mostly because I was not too sure wether it is of general interest what I want to say....but then I really do not care any more.
This way of ventilating my insulted mind ..............or an implosion that will cost the tax-payer money since it will make me "run into a wall" as they so appropiately say here. By the way, another local speciality. Dealing with stress and handling challenges like grown ups is not encouraged here.........
This is all for the moment. More soon to come.